Friday, June 23, 2017

Real Estate

Seena had fallen in to the most common trap set by real estate marketers namely, over-promised amenities and the seemingly low advertised prices which do not include the taxes and fees. The expo was modest in terms of the flat designs that were offered and the pictures of the neighbourhoods looked okay. The common theme throughout the Kanteerava stadium, where the expo was being held, was the deceptively low advertised prices which would bloat to high prices once you include the extras. 

Seena went around several stalls laid out by various vendors until he came across one vendor's offer which he could not believe at first, but the sales person in that booth was all set to deliver his pitch in a calm and professional manner. "Hello there, my name is Prabhu and I am representing Heavenly Estates. Whom do I have the pleasure to talk today?"

"My name is Seena. The stuff that you are advertising over on that corner is weird and interesting at the same time", Seena was pointing to the right corner of the booth. 

"Oh! That's our brand new offering but let's first get started with our popular stuff. We have a new construction coming up just fifteen kilometres from the city center and conveniently located close to the Northern metro line.  Also very close to the airport, just thirty minutes sir! We have 1bhk, 2bhk and 3bhk homes available at thrift prices."

"That's very impressive. So, is the advertised price of thirty lakh rupees, that of the 2bhk home?", asked Seena. 

"No, Sir. That's our studio apartment, but we are currently not offering it since none of our customers have shown any interest in studio apartments".  

Seena was wondering, how the hell could they advertise something that's not offered, but that's the kind of marketing game most of these companies had been playing. "How much does the 2bhk home cost?", enquired Seena. 

"Sir, that ranges from sixty lakh to eighty lakh rupees, depending on which direction and floor you want. If you want it fully finished it's going to be ten lakh rupees extra", Prabhu answered.

"Fully finished meaning with cabinets and appliances?"

"No sir, fully finished meaning tiles and doors will be fit"

Seena wondered what the f*** was going on but tried to keep his calm. "I cannot afford any of your offerings; even your non-existent studio home is not affordable for me". 

"Sir, don't worry. Now let's come to our next offering which many people can afford and I am pretty sure you can afford too. We are one of the first in the market to offer such a product. Don't worry if you can afford a place right now for living, but you can have a nice gorgeous place to finally rest in peace! We offer lake view spots, hill-side spots, you name it!"

"How big are these spots?"

"Six by three; people can buy multiple spots to rest comfortably based on their affordability". 

"How much does a spot cost?"

"You pay one thousand rupees monthly for each spot."

"And how long is the payment?"

"You would keep paying until you are ready to occupy the spot!"

"What? That's going to be a lot of money over the life-time"

"Yes sir, we understand. That's why our company has some good offering for youngsters like you, which is that you can qualify for a thirty year cap if you are under 30" 

"Would you guarantee that a spot would be available when one is ready?"

"Absolutely sir! You just need to give a call to this number and we will make sure that the spot is ready", Prabhu was pointing to a number on one of the fliers. 

This marketing pitch was reaching completely absurd levels. Seena was wondering how the hell would one know when he/she is ready, but he was determined to guage the absurdity co-efficient of this pitch by letting it reach its completion. 

"And you can even give a spot as a gift to your friends and family", Prabhu continued.

Seena's head reeled and had reached its patience limit. Prabhu had more to offer since his face seemed to light up before he started, "If you sign up today, you can enter a raffle to win a spot next to this famous personality". Prabhu was pointing to the photo of a famous personality who was currently in exile.

"Aiyo Prabhuve!", cried Seena.

"Excuse me sir?"

"No, not you Sir. I was just remembering my god. Your company is aptly named 'Heavenly estates'!". Seena bid adieu to the stall and hurried out of the Kanteerava studium.